I hit a wall this week. I crashed into an emotional-psychological wall with this thought: “I just can’t do it anymore. I’m totally fried.”
Of course, this wasn’t the first wall I’ve encountered; I’ve been hitting them with regularity since March. But always before I’ve mustered whatever it took, taken a deep breath, and climbed on over. This week, though — with a ticking clock reminding me that the newsletter needs to go out soon — I’m not sure I’ve got it in me. I don’t know what to write after yet another police shooting of an unarmed Black man. I don’t know what to write while California burns and Louisiana floods. I don’t know what to write while this foul malignancy of a president and his conscienceless toadies lie and blame and inflame their way through their hideous rally. It has finally happened: I’ve run out of inspiration and ideas.
In case of emergencies, I keep file named “IDEAS” on my desktop — talk ideas, blog ideas. Some of them have been in there for years, and the reason they’ve never made it out for consideration and development is because they simply aren’t any good. Many of them remain in there because I’ve forgotten what I meant when I jotted them down. Most of them are just titles. That’s what I pulled out this week when I couldn’t think of anything to say — a title: “God Is My Co-Author.”
It’s catchy. I kinda like it. And I think it might be a perfect message TO me right now, though I don’t know how to express it as a message FROM me. I’m not even sure it is FROM me…
You get that this is meant as a take on the “God is my co-pilot” Christian trope, right? My version started out as sort of a parody, a bit of snark. I was ranting to Travis about the way that a lot of spiritual writers seem inclined to claim a higher authority for their work — elevating their books with the suggestion that the writing was “divinely guided” or even literally channeled. I scoffed, “God is my co-author! Hah!” I get it as a branding device, but I question whether or not it really adds credibility or veracity to the writing.
And while I also do understand every writer’s desire for validation (my own craving for approval verges on unseemly sometimes), what I take issue with is the idea than any work could ever be anything other than divinely inspired.
I mean, I firmly believe that ALL creativity is divine. Either it’s ALL godly or nothing is. And it seems a little yucky to claim divinity only for some books-blogs-movies-messages-poems, lifting them up as more sacred or spiritual than others.
About twenty-five years ago, I took a trip to Sedona AZ with a friend. We visited energy vortices, bought crystals and chakra candles, had psychic readings — the whole New Age experience. We also went to a channeling, which was fascinating and weird. We were in the back room of a bookstore, perhaps a dozen of us. A woman of indeterminate age dressed in flowing robes sat with us in a circle. She told us that she had been chosen as the human spokesperson for an entity that lived with Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, and others on a spaceship in orbit around our solar system. “Pretty good company,” I thought. I don’t remember the Being’s name — something futuristic and alien-sounding, Zoltran, something like that. I also don’t remember any of the wisdom Zoltran imparted. What I do recall is that at some point, the channeler stopped herself mid-sentence, said in a strange, creaky voice, “There are communications specialists among us,” and looked straight at me. It sent shivers up my spine.
I don’t know what the heck it meant, if anything. I don’t remember any of the rest of the entity’s message, but I still get tingly when I think about how it felt to be noticed as “special.” So in the end that probably says more about me and my need for validation than any meaningful guidance from the wisdom of Ascended Masters. Still…
As I wonder, now, about the idea of God as a co-author, a collaborator, a co-creator — I think maybe Zoltran was onto something. Maybe what I misunderstood was the part that seemed to single me out from the others in attendance.
Because what I have come to believe is that every one of us is a “Communication Specialist.” Every one of us is here to discover our voice and share our perspective with the world. Though we’re not all interested in sharing our vision in a public way, nevertheless we’re all communicating powerfully and creatively with each other all the time. We’re all communicating LIFE to each other all the time.
It seems to me that everything that we experience, think, feel, and impart is all one big conversation with God. God with God.
I propose that such conversation, co-creation, and togetherness is the essence and nature of God-Spirit-Cosmic Consciousness. God isn’t just my co-author or anyone’s co-author. God is the very idea of co-authorship — the divine collaboration of everyone and everything with everyone and everything.
I’m considering how this might be a helpful concept when we hit a “wall.” Like, this week. Like, now. When might we feel like we don’t have the oomph or drive or inspiration or ideas we need to face whatever it is that we’re facing… and holy shit, we’re facing plenty. One of the advantages to working with a co-author is that none of us has to write this alone. Indeed, a main point in all this is that we couldn’t do it alone, even if we tried.
So maybe my part this week is just to say, “I’m fried, I’m frustrated, I’m a little bit hopeful but scared by my own doubts, I care deeply but I don’t have any idea what to do next.” And then I’m going to pass my draft back to the heavenly writers’ room, and let the rest of the entire Universe have a say.
This isn’t to take a pass on my responsibility. I don’t want “surrender” to be an act of despair or desperation, throwing up my hands to say: “Jesus take the wheel,” or “Buddha write my blog,” or “Zoltran speak my sermon.”
But maybe I can lean on my co-author(s) a little this week… Maybe just breathe and listen and witness and pray… And maybe find trust and faith somewhere in this mess… Perhaps, then, I’ll discover new possibilities for my own participation and creative input going forward.
I think that’s what co-anything is all about. Thank you for taking this journey with me, friends. Thank you for being on the planet at the same time, working it out together. I love you.
My talk, some music from the magnificent Patty Stephens, and another reading by one of my cats (this week’s it’s sweet little Flo’s turn!) will be online this Saturday night at 6:00 pm, and ever after — at BOSQUECSL.ORG and VIMEO.COM/BOSQUECSL. XO, Drew
© 2020 Drew Groves